Yes, it happened. I fell off the wagon. I was doing great. I’d made it through an entire year without falling into the vat of sugar dependency. I’d had a few excursions into eating a bit of sugar here and there, but no grand descent into sugar madness — until a couple of months ago. Yes, that’s right. I’ve been back on the sugar-eating train for two entire months, eating lots of sugary sweet treats every single day.
I know some people may find a “sugar addiction” rather quaint. It’s not like I’m spending my nights in a shooting gallery or drying out in a jail cell or destroying my family’s lives because I’m drunk out of my mind every day. Not. At. All.
My sugar addiction is quiet. No falling down, no drunken rages, nothing dramatic except the endless fight within myself to stop eating sugary sweets that I LOVE to eat!!
How did my success quickly turn to failure?
I had a bad day. A very, very bad day. Nothing tragic. But I made the mistake of going shopping at Trader Joe’s. And guess what I found there? Yes, that’s right. For some unlucky reason, right there in the bakery department sat a large pile of those unbearably delightful chocolate mousse cakes, package of six, in the shape of adorable spring flowers. I came. I saw. I grabbed two boxes. I ate them in the car on the drive home. Yes, both boxes! Twelve of those delectable cakes. And I loved every bite. I’d missed those fantastic little goodies!
The next day, I went back to Trader Joe’s and bought another box. A few days later, I did the same, and a few days after that I bought another couple boxes, and some candy-coated chocolate-peanut-butter Jo-Jos (faux Oreos), which contain so much sugar it made my teeth hurt to eat them. But eat them I did.
At that point, I decided to call my sugar-free life quits – for now. I’d missed those sugary treats so much! It made me happy to buy a pint of Trader Joe’s coffee ice cream, which is the best coffee ice cream I’ve ever tasted! I gobbled it up, sharing it with my husband. We went out to dinner, and I ordered dessert! I ate it, and loved every bite! I ate every sugary sweet I wanted to eat — fudge, cupcakes, cookies, candy bars, ice cream — because I felt happy I could enjoy whatever sweet treat I felt like eating at last!!
Until…
My leg started aching again, as it used to whenever I ate sugar. And my head ached after eating a particularly scrumptious sugary treat. And I felt bloated and heavy and tired. But I kept eating those sugary desserts! Trader Joe’s, for some reason, kept a pile of those chocolate mousse cakes in stock for two entire months, and I kept buying them, and eating them, almost every day! That’s a ton of sugar, and I started feeling really, really terrible. Not only because I had fallen once again into the throes of sugar addiction, but because I physically felt terrible, except when I was ingesting a delectable dessert which tasted so great that I felt wonderful and happy while I was eating it!
A few days ago, when I’d finished eating yet another of those delicious, melty flower-shaped iced chocolate mousse cakes, I closed the empty plastic box, and threw it into the trash. I knew it was to be my last chocolate mousse cake for a long, long time.
As my grandfather used to say about smoking, “Quitting is easy. I’ve done it dozens of time!”
Once again, I’ve decided to try again. I’m going to quit eating sugar. I’ve loved eating desserts for a couple of months, and I don’t want to start the fight all over again. Quitting sugar “forever”? How many times can I do this? Not eating sugar made me miserable for an entire year, and it’s going to make me miserable again!
But, I’m an optimist, so here I go again.
One. Day. At. A. Time.
(As of this writing, I’m on Sugar-Free Day 2. So far so good!)
Please—wish me luck!
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